A Different Way to Approach Anxiety

Who hasn’t experienced anxiety at some point in their lives? A little anxiety can be

unpleasant but manageable, yet for those who feel it powerfully and frequently, it can

be truly devastating—affecting sleep, relationships, and overall well-being.

So, what can we do about it? We often think of anxiety as a form of fear, yet unlike

fear—which usually has a clear source—anxiety can feel like a shapeless,

untethered worry. That’s why we can drive ourselves in circles trying to figure out,

“Why am I anxious?” or “What exactly is causing it?”

Here’s an alternative approach: instead of obsessing over the question ‘why’, try

answering it in an entirely unexpected way. Each time you find yourself asking, “Why

am I feeling anxious?” respond firmly and calmly with: “I genuinely don’t know. There

is no way to know, so I’ll just let it be.”

This may sound too simple, but there’s a real power in this response. By halting the

constant mental search for a cause, you break free from overthinking and allow your

mind the space to rest. You remind yourself that not everything needs a logical

explanation—sometimes, feelings just ‘are’. When you practice this, you may feel a

sense of relief, a kind of gentle acceptance that can pave the way back to peace.

Give it a try. The next time anxiety creeps up, notice that endless cycle of mental

questioning and simply repeat: “I don’t know, and there’s no way to know; I let it be.”

It may take practice, but it can help ease the burden of anxiety by cutting off the

fruitless chase for explanations. And that can be a big step toward reclaiming your

calm.

Try this approach next time anxiety shows up. After all, sometimes the most powerful

thing you can do is ‘nothing at all’—and simply let your feelings be.

Sylvain’s Story

This is a true account of an unusual, to say the least, personal experience. In fact, it

should have been frightening, but it wasn’t for reasons which will become clear later.

I would probably never written about it if it hadn’t been for my lovely friend Clare to

whom I one day confided into. Clare told me that it would be of interest for others on

their journey through life. So, here we are.

It all happened about thirty years ago. For the past twelve to eighteen months I had

been in the emotional throes of a broken relationship, drowning in a sea of despair,

obsessively seeking the reasons for the terribly brutal unexpected end of the

relationship (you guess right that the breakup wasn’t my initiative!), and the means to

reverse it and get the relationship back. My search was so intense that I couldn’t

think of anything else, incapable of acting ’normally’ for more than a few minutes. I

could just about maintain a working pretence. Fortunately, I was an outside

consultant, and I could work remotely and still earn a living… I was so lucky! I am

sure that I was close to insanity. The only thing I could do to help was to walk. I did

walk, every day, from dusk to dawn. As I was in Camden (a part of North London,

UK), and I had on my doorstep both the Regents Canal, my principal walking ground,

and occasionally Regents Park. The subject of my intense and constant rumination:

raking my brains for any information, practical and emotional memories, ‘ideas’ on

any sort, to help getting that relationship back on track! Talking to myself!

You might understand why I wouldn’t want to publish this episode of my life as, if it

might resonate with some unfortunate suffering lovers, it will sound to many as the

ramblings of a deranged individual…. So, why writing about it at all? Well, it is

because of what happened next…. 

Even all these years later I could take you to the exact site where something totally

unexpected occurred. I was walking on the towpath of the Regent Canal, arriving

where it cut through the London Zoo. Just as one arrives next to the aviary. One

moment my brain was, as usual, overwhelmed by an endless string of questions and

self-talks as it had been for months, the next… nothing! Paradoxically at this location

full of birds’ songs my mind became totally quiet instantly, and the inner storm

replaced by an infinite universe of peace. All the heartache, all the questions and

potential answers, all defused instantly. The most extraordinary part of this was that,

after a few minutes of blissful rest, not only did it become very clear that I was still

here, aware, and cognitive but that furthermore I ‘knew’ what had happened: I had

come to the end of what people call conditioning. Who I thought I was had used all

practical and emotional data, stored for almost fifty years and, having tried all

possible ideas and combinations thereof, couldn’t provide the answer to the

conundrum (it did and does remind me of the Sphynx enigma, the Tower of Babel, of

the Holy Grail, of Jason’s Golden Fleece, etc). The ‘ego’ got defeated and lost its

commanding position. In this process all of the accumulated learned information of

fifty odd years remained clearly accessible but relegated into de-activated memory

and seen as totally unsafe material (all of it!) as it had been accumulated without

thorough testing…. 

What happened next and since? Well, after a long moment of absolute inner peace

and joy, I turn round and went back to my office picking up the threads left loose

many months earlier… and then my life changed dramatically and for the much,

much better: I WAS FOR´REAL’! 

It is tempting to describe my experience as being re-born, but this wasn’t really the

case. I never lost memories. I could still operate using my conditioning - i.e. the

learned rules of society - but with great caution. In effect I was aware that I needed

to re-educate myself from the very beginning having tested and understood it all to

my satisfaction (nothing learned from others at this stage). Only, much later, when

very strong, stable, and reliable foundation had been constructed was one able to

decide on other’s veracity and welcome such knowledge. I never went back, and the

construction of upper levels goes on still to this day, still with great passion and

curiosity, about that amazing adventure called life. Yes, life is real to me, and I am a

willing participant! There is a time for childhood in life when fun is welcome, even

necessary. ´Fun’, however, is for children only. Life demands that we participate

willingly and seriously. All suffering comes for our refusal to serve life’s best interest -

our best interest! When taken seriously life is an on-going source of joy and inner

peace at all times.

Welcoming a New Phase - Empowering Midlife Women Thrive and Care for Life

Midlife is often seen as a big change. For many women, it is a time when kids move out or life gets quieter. This can be a moment for reflection and finding new energy. Instead of seeing this stage as settling down, it can be a chance for growth. After years of caring for others, women can discover new interests and skills that have been waiting to come alive. Let’s look at how women in midlife can embrace change, find their passions, and focus their energy on things that help themselves and their communities.

1. Recognising the Shift: From Caregiver to Visionary

1.1 Looking Beyond Old Roles:

Many women spend a lot of time caring for others. Self-care often takes a backseat. But when kids get older or leave, there’s time to think about personal dreams. New chances to revisit old dreams, to explore existing interests, can show up new opportunities.

1.2 Celebrating What You’ve Done:

This change can feel exciting but also scary. It’s important to acknowledge the hard work you’ve done. Feeling thankful for what you’ve achieved, like raising kids or managing a home, builds confidence. Remembering these experiences makes starting new things easier.

2. Finding and Growing Hidden Skills

2.1 Awakening Old Passions:

If you used to love painting or organizing events, midlife is a great time to pick those back up. Getting involved in the arts or helping your community can brighten your life and spread positivity.

2.2 Using Household Skills for New Paths:

Running a home teaches many useful skills like budgeting and problem-solving. Recognising these can help you step into new jobs or volunteer roles. For example, your experience at home can lead to roles in nonprofits or even starting a small business that focuses on wellness or education.

3. Creating Opportunities for All Life

3.1 Caring for Community and Nature:

Women starting this new phase often find joy in projects that support their community. This could mean volunteering at shelters or creating programs for environmental education. These actions can greatly improve both your sense of purpose and the well-being of those around you.

3.2 Sustainable Business Ideas:

For those interested in starting a business, midlife can be perfect for launching a purpose-driven venture. Whether it’s an eco-friendly product line or a holistic coaching practice, many midlife businesses focus on improving life for everyone.

3.3 Mentorship and Advocacy:

Sharing your knowledge and helping others is another great way to contribute. Women in midlife have valuable experiences. Guiding younger women through mentorship programs can help transfer not just wisdom, but also confidence.

4. Building a Supportive Network

4.1 Finding Your Sisterhood

No one does this alone. Building a network of supportive peers can spark inspiration and collaboration. Joining women’s circles, online forums, or local groups can create a strong community.

4.2 Learning and Growth

If you find new interests, pursuing more education or training can be life changing. From online courses to certification programs, continuous learning can sharpen your skills and grow your confidence.

5. Balancing Self-Care with Drive

5.1 Prioritising Well-being

As you start this new phase, taking care of yourself is key. Balancing new goals with self-care helps foster growth. Daily routines like meditation, exercise, or enjoying nature help maintain focus.

5.2 Staying Flexible

Life will continue to have ups and downs at midlife. Being open to change makes growth easier. It’s okay to shift your plans when needed. This flexibility allows for self-discovery and fulfilment.

6. Conclusion:

Women in midlife are stepping into a time full of potential. It’s a chance to refine passions and explore new sides of who you are. By nurturing yourself and helping others, women in this phase can uplift communities and the world. This new chapter isn’t just about finding out who you are now. It’s about making a positive impact on everyone you meet. As you pursue your goals, remember that the skills you gain and the projects you support can create waves that extend far beyond your immediate circle. Embrace this new phase and let your energy and creativity leave a lasting mark for future generations.

Acceptance

ACCEPTANCE - the most effective means to deal with psychological distress of any kind or strength. Acceptance, easy to talk about, so difficult to achieve… WHY and HOW to succeed!

Life is full of challenges on a daily basis. Some we can find responses for, and so the challenge once dealt with successfully disappears… some we cannot find a response or only partly. The latter are thereafter haunting us, they become obsession, anxiety, anger, aggressivity, etc… the more we attempt to put these behind us, the more they dig their heels into our minds spoiling our lives. Were we to totally accept that there is no answer we can find, we suddenly see the issue flies away… this is the blessing of acceptance!

Why is it so difficult for us to accept certain situations? It is the same as having a physical pain… having to permanently live with it, never given a chance to forget it… seeking all the means to not feel the pain. Well, the pain IS NOT, the right target to be addressed. It is the ROOT CAUSE of the pain which needs to be found and accepted, processed, and dealt with! Now it has become part of what we can live with.

So, how about finding the true cause of those impossible challenges. Let’s take insomnia for example:
What is it which really concerns me by not sleeping? One needs to list all the ‘bad’ consequences of a perceived excessive tiredness - loss of control, bad mood, looks, exhaustion, loosing my job, close people getting fed up with me, maybe even illness and death at the extreme…. When considering this list of negative emotions, one could lose sleep over it!!! So, what is actually behind the insomnia is actually FEAR. When seeing this clearly, acceptance is only round the corner… I can see that my insomnia isn’t the cause of my concerns, and the fear I have now unveiled was only a consequence of my imagination working overtime, so it is now easy to ‘accept’ and take a chance that my insomnia will cause none of these consequences, take a view like ‘I don’t care about insomnia anymore’! If the cause is the extreme like if one cannot sleep it will lead to death… the only way is to become so desperate to end the insomnia that even death becomes ‘acceptable’! No sooner one ‘doesn’t care’ anymore that the insomnia will stop!

The above procedure, for insomnia in this case, will apply equally to any other tormenting conditions.

Caution: please consider that, should your emotions emanate from a physical condition, a visit to your doctor is always a wise precaution.